This gratitude
admitted
with clarified air
inside of the subject
she’s feeding meters
with
uptight consonants
the first thought
is about faithfulness
and the last
is about the limitations
of candour
and how time
can leave it’s best remnants
in your hands
and yet
you still stumble through it all
throwing vowels
into broken light sockets.
but I’ll gladly swallow urine and a lit matchstick if it’ll make this thing go away.
A coworker of mine won 1000 dollars, and bought me two bottles of this stuff when I was sick a few months back…..it didn’t help me…and tasted like a VW van ashtray.
Crossed out
the ceiling goes copper
a seasick declaration
from a bleary
and battered sun
not yet ready
for jokes
not that anyone
would believe them
you take notice
of my sawdust yawn
and
inside of delirium
I pray
that your interminable smile
cares
more than you let on.
While driving around today in a rented car…well…sorta…it’s a buffalo car share car…long story. I found a dime bag of grass in the backseat…next to some doritos crumbs. Needless to say, I am now smoking said grass. I should feel bad, but I just don’t. It’s good shit.
[video]
leftover chinese takeout for breakfast…..don’t act like you’re not impressed.
The most beautiful suicide… I always wished that I could’ve been the person to take this picture….or to be her.
yes, i look absolutely terrifying. the doctor told me that i have strep throat, and that my tonsils have grown back. also, my finger is infected and i must wear it in this ridiculous gauze with prescription ointment until it heals. i will probably just keep flipping people off “accidentally.” hehehe.
Best post of the night. For some reason this post…and this wonderful picture…makes me want to jump on my typewriter until it breaks. Send me an email when you get a chance….I believe it’s still on my page.
to all of my new followers….thank you for choosing cashville airlines. The ride won’t be comfortable…but at least it’s cheap. And to Evermore, happy birthday darling….I hope this day….and this year go well for you…xo many times over. I am going to read a little bit…have an herbal alcohol free beverage….and hopefully get some sleep before I have to get up and shuffle into work.
I am baking cookies and watching Wonder Boys….one of my favorite movies. This is the new year. I re-quit smoking….I am not drinking out of depression anymore…and I am not going to do drugs anymore. Maybe I’ll smoke or do a line at a party…..but I so rarely go to parties that it isn’t really an issue. I’m tired, and my body can’t handle all of that anymore. I want my life to be quiet, and I just want to spend time with the people that I love. For the first time…I can see that living this way isn’t boring. I’m not going to wait for shit to happen anymore, I’m going to be the conductor from now on. I was going to post another poem…but it’s not really coming together. The one I posted earlier tonite felt rushed…even for me…I need to edit every once in a while.
“Climbing
hour
upon
hour
through double sided glass
the kind
that always hides
somebody’s baby
anyone
but yours
due for another round
of jealousy
from across the room
smoking every cigarette
in waltz time
the traveling edges
of envy
filling in the emptiness
between the infallible letters
that I drop
and you hold in
only your wishes
can hold my attention
one single
ungilded chance
after you
and before someone else
setting up a two-way mirror
for you
after every sentence
terrified of every
just as well
as I am murmuring my life
into your linen ears
we get further and further
from a desperately needed break.”
How is it, that I still feel so much for Natalie, who I don’t know that much about….and who treated me like an asshole. And yet, this girl Jackie…..wow. I have never met a girl that I have this much in common with….yet I don’t feel the same draw. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t think she’d like me so I’m forcing myself not to feel that much towards her. Either we’re all like this, or I am fucking insane…I’m leaning towards the latter. On a good note, I wrote 5 pages of prose on the old typewriter….and 2 poems that I DiG.
tonite I scored 2 grams of very high quality coke from my friend. And then went to a party at my friend Justin’s house. I was there from 9 until now. Everyone was smoking weed and drinking, which I was too….but I was the only one who did coke. So I kept having to go to the bathroom with my compact and credit card. I met this girl Jackie….she is so amazing. We have a once in a lifetime event amount of things in common, and she is so fucking sweet. We ditched everyone in the party and chained smoked for about 2 hours just talking and talking and talking. And then I found out that she does blow every once in a while, so I gave her a few huge lines. She was fucked. We talked a lot more after that haha. I might’ve been able to sleep with her, but I didn’t want to. It would’ve been the end of our one night friendship. I’d like to go out with her sometime though. I’m rambling, still high. wow. Happy fucking new years everybody….